Sunset Boulevard

Billy Wilder’s “Sunset Boulevard” kicks off with possibly the most attention-grabbing opener in film history – our narrator is floating face-down in a swimming pool, and he’s, well, dead. Talk about starting with a bang! This deceased fellow is Joe Gillis, a down-on-his-luck screenwriter who then takes us back six months to explain how he ended up as pool decor.

It all starts with Joe running from repo men trying to snag his car (because apparently being a Hollywood writer wasn’t quite as glamorous as the brochures suggested). During his escape, he conveniently gets a flat tire and pulls into what appears to be an abandoned mansion on Sunset Boulevard. Except it’s not abandoned – it’s the home of Norma Desmond, a forgotten silent film star who’s been living in her own private time capsule with her intensely creepy butler, Max.

Norma, who’s about as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake, has written a massive screenplay about Salome that she’s convinced will be her “return” (don’t you dare say “comeback”!). She hires Joe to edit it, though “traps” might be a better word. Soon enough, Joe finds himself installed as Norma’s kept man, living in luxury but feeling increasingly like a pet hamster in a gilded cage. The woman buys him expensive clothes, throws lavish parties where she’s the only guest, and watches her old silent films with the kind of devotion usually reserved for religious experiences.

Meanwhile, Joe starts secretly working on a screenplay with Betty Schaefer, a young script reader who’s engaged to his best friend Artie. Because apparently Joe hasn’t noticed he’s living in a film noir and this can only end badly. As Joe and Betty fall in love, Norma becomes increasingly unstable, attempting suicide when she thinks Joe might leave her (manipulation level: expert).

The whole thing comes to a head when Joe finally tries to break free. He tells Norma he’s leaving and that her dream comeback is never going to happen – her fan letters have been written by Max all along (who, in a twist that would make Freud need a lie-down, turns out to be both her ex-husband AND her former director). Norma, taking rejection as well as you’d expect from someone who hasn’t heard the word “no” since 1925, shoots Joe three times, bringing us full circle to our swimming pool opening.

The finale is pure Hollywood grotesque – Norma, completely detached from reality, descends her grand staircase believing she’s filming her great comeback scene, while the police and news cameras capture her final performance. “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille,” she announces to the waiting cameras, having fully retreated into her own private fantasy world where she’s still the greatest star of them all.

And there you have it – a cautionary tale about Hollywood, fame, delusion, and why you should always pay your car payment on time. Also, maybe don’t move in with mysterious former silent film stars, no matter how good their pool looks.

4/5 sad stars. I’ve always heard the line ‘I’m ready for my closeup Mr. Deville’ and I never knew where it was from until I saw this movie. It was a really good film – if a little unsettling. This poor woman a victim of Hollywood and it’s pursuit of beauty and youth has a mental break and is essentially taken advantage of by Joe who’s really in it for the free house and cash. I feel like Joe got what was coming to him – I mean he stole his best friend’s gal as well – the guy is morally bankrupt and I didn’t feel bad at all that she John Wick’d his ass

Goal Met: Pizza Tour (10+ Famous Pizza Places)

OK. So I like pizza. I mean.. you say you like pizza sure.. but not like I do. I don’t think I’ve gone pizza-less for more than a week my entire life. When I was just starting my career and saving money I used to get 2 for 1 pizzas on Tuesdays from the local pizza place and just eat slices of pizza for dinner until I had a few paychecks in the bank and could… get fresher pizza. I mean, one of my goals is to make 50 different pizzas.. during COVID I bought a 50 pound bag of flour and we ate a LOT of pizza.

One of the things I never really did was go visit popular or famous pizza places (sometimes arguing I can make them just as well at home). While I was trying to come up with 50 goals I was really struggling with the last few and thought to myself “You know what, you need to fit more pizza into this” so that’s where this goal came from.

I took in a lot of top 10 pizza lists, reddit rankings, barstool pizza reviews (one bite, everyone knows the rules) and other sources of pizza knowledge to create a list of places I should go. You’ll notice that most of the are in the Northeast which we all know is the mecca of good pizza. Sorry all you other states trying to claim your doughy bread casseroles are pizza.. the tri-state area is where it’s at.

Modern Apizza New Haven, CT
Considered one of the top thee New Haven pizza places – this was recommended on nearly every list I researched. Located away from downtown New Haven in a relatively quiet neighborhood it’s unassuming other than the giant metal slice of pizza sculpture. We got there somewhat early so we didn’t wait for a seat (there was a pretty long line when we left). The place was relatively small but the service was fast and the pizza arrived perfectly charred with a strong tomato aroma. The first slice had an epic cheese pull – they don’t skimp on the cheese here! It had a strong tomato taste and chewy tangy cheese that melted altogether into what I consider a perfect slice. The crust was thin and crispy but strong enough to hold up all that cheese and had it’s own character.

Score: 9.2

Frank Pepe’s Pizza – New Haven, CT
The second of the big three, this is one I’ve been to before. It’s one of the most popular pizza places (as well as the oldest) and as such there’s usually a long line. On super busy days they open an overflow seating area but I’ve never been there when that has happened so I got to sit in the main restaurant. It’s a treat because the pizza oven is visible from the front room and you can see the staff working like a well oiled machine feeding the pizzas into the coal fired ovens with excessively large pizza peels. This time around I got my usual cheese pizza but also ordered a meatball pie with ricotta. The pies arrived in a timely manner and the cheese pizza was nice and charred. The sauce wasn’t too heavily spiced and they had a really light hand on the cheese. Even with the light hand there was some oil pooling which detracted from the experience. The crust was thin and crispy with little to no dip when you picked up the slices. The meatball pie with ricotta though was a revelation – instead of dabs of ricotta like most pizza places they dabbed on ravioli filling and each bite of the filling was amazing. I can see why this place is so popular – even after so many years they are still slinging some high quality pies.

Score 8.9

Papa’s Tomato Pies – Robbinsville NJ

Located in Robbinsville NJ (originally from Chambersburg in Trenton until they moved about 15 years ago) this iconic tomato pie place continues the trend of famous pizza places located right next to other (see Sally’s and Pepe’s) as DeLorenzo’s is right down the road. Tomato pies are a bit of a misnomer as they aren’t like Philly tomato pies (an abomination they dare to call a pizza) they just put down the cheese first then sauce it with hand crushed tomatoes and a dusting of spices/cheese. The crust is well done but not charred like New Haven style and the tomatoes are sweet which is a great counterpart to the savory cheese that they use. They offer a mustard pie which is intriguing but I opted for the straight plain pie which is the bar I rate each place at. There’s quite the debate amongst the locals which one is best – I side with Papa’s as they hit the right amount of well done with the pie while DeLo’s can come out really dry and overcooked.

Score: 8.7

DeLorenzo’s Tomato Pies – Robbinsville NJ

Located right down the street from Papa’s this place was also originally in Trenton before they moved to Robbinsville. There’s two locations in the area – this one which is based off the original and another one by the train station in Hamilton. I prefer this place as it feels more authentic. The pizza is cracker thin and really well done. The tomatoes are sweet and they use a good amount of cheese. They also cut the pizza in random shapes which I’m sure is a cute way to be different but it ends up with huge slices and tiny side slices. Just cut it into 8 slices – lets be civilized. They have a no Parmesan cheese rule which I support and here’s an important caveat: These pizzas do not travel well. You can get them to go but its a completely different experience. You need to eat them in the restaurant right out of the oven for the optimal experience. I’ve eaten here a few times and it’s hit or miss with how well done it is. Sometimes it is legitimately overcooked and dry and sharp crust splinters attack your gums like an angry wolverine. However when they hit the mark it really is an amazing pizza experience

Score: 8.7

John’s of Bleecker Street – NYC

Consistently at the top of NY Pizza rankings; John’s is a tiny pizza place on Bleecker street offering up some traditional NY style pizzas. Waited in line for about 40 minutes on a Saturday night (I was already in the city with friends and we wanted some good pizza) and got stuffed into a tiny booth with barely any room to breathe let alone eat. Ordered the plain cheese and the white pie – both highly recommended. The pizzas came out pretty quick – most likely due to the fact they had so few booths in the place they really needed to move pies to get that turnover they want. The cheese pull was fantastic and the dough was crispy and flavorful. The sauce was very simple – just some crushed tomatoes but it tasted a bit flat – I suspect it needed some salt or something else to dress it up. I enjoyed the very old school decor and ambiance – it felt very old NY.

Score: 8.5

Grimaldi’s – NYC

Classic Neo-neapolitan pies – not crispy like NY, or soft like Naples somewhere in the middle. This time around we hit up the one that was located in what used to be the Limelight nightclub. It was a bit of a mental struggle to reconcile my memories of the club with taking my kids there for pizza. Of course I didn’t fill in the kids about all the fun I had there.. but I did explain to them people used to come here to listen to music and dance. They seemed to get a kick out of that. The pizza came out pretty fast but like John’s the cheese/sauce lock was off and there was a bit too much bare crust at the edges. However the sauce as really savory and packed full of flavor and the cheese was a great balance. It really was a great tasting pie and I’d say comparable to the one located in Brooklyn. Overall the balance was just right and the crust was light and a bit crispy – the sweet spot for this type of pizza.

Score: 9.1

Pizzeria Errico Porzio Lungomare – Naples, Italy

One of my goals this year was to visit my father’s home town in Italy and see the family I had there. I explained to them that I was looking for the best Neapolitan pizza they had and he really talked up this pizzaolo Errico Porzio – showing me his Instagram and saying he’s a pretty big deal in Naples. One afternoon we’re walking along the Lungomare and my step mom is starving so I try to be helpful and say ‘Che Ore Mangiamo?’ to my cousin and we just happened to be right by this pizzeria so we stopped in to see what all the fuss is about. I of course just got the classic margherita pizza (with the obligatory spritz) – if you’re going to the source you need to get the classics! Maybe it was the hype, the fact I was in Naples facing the bay with Vesuvius in the background.. but this had to be one of the best pizzas I’ve ever eaten. The dough was soft but with a hint of crunchiness, the sauce was unadorned and has that san marzano sweetness.. the kiss of the wood fire. Just.. 🀌 Bonus: As I was getting ready to leave my cousin notices Errico walking through and calls him over to take a photo with me which was a pretty cool experience. I tried to express how good the pizza was in Italian then he asked me some rapid fire questions in Italian and I had no idea what he said haha

Score: 9.8

BAR – New Haven CT

I wasn’t sure about this place – the people on the internet were raving about it but it just seemed like a brewery which happened to serve pizza which I wasn’t optimistic about. I was in New Haven with a buddy for a quick pizza run so we decided to try a new place and see what the hype was. We got there and had to go to the bar to order – and we decided to order two medium pies (we were hungry) one plain and one white pie. We also got a few beers to tide us over – mine was a cherry wheat beer that really was quite good. When the pies arrived I though we made a mistake the medium pies came out in a full sheet pan. They where massive. I don’t even want to know what the large pie was served on. Daunted by the acres of pizza in front of us we dug in. The sauce was flat and lacked any real flavor – it was almost watery and the cheese was overcooked and dry. The crust was extremely thin and cracker like but lacked any defining flavors. The white pie fared better but the garlic in it was a bit overpowering I think to compensate for the lack of flavors elsewhere. Overall a middling experience – It’s still pizza in the end but after eating at the other New Haven spots this really didn’t live up to the hype.

Score: 6.2

Zuppardi’s – New Haven CT

Another highly recommended place, it as a bit off the beaten path in West Haven CT in a residential neighborhood. It really seemed out of place it’s all just residential houses then BAM pizza place.. then more houses. I suspect it was here before the neighborhood rose around it. Either way it was a bit different from the other New Haven spots in that it used a gas oven and put out pretty standard round pies. We ordered the usual plain cheese then a meatball and onion. The cheese pizza was pretty good – nice char on the crust, tangy sauce and a lot of cheese but it didn’t stand out compared to other New Haven spots and really felt like a NJ/NY pie. The meatball pie was interesting that the onions were sliced so thin they melted into the sauce and provided a kick of flavor without the usual onion texture. I was so impressed I ordered a fancy mandolin the next day so I could start experimenting with super thin slices of toppings. Overall a really good pizza but nothing about it made it stand out compared to all the other spots I visited.

Score: 8.2

Sally’s – New Haven CT

I’m going to tiptoe the line of heresy here and say I really don’t care for the apizza at Sally’s. The sauce has way too much going on, the cheese is a bit heavy and it takes forever to get your pizza (easily the longest wait I’ve had this year). I understand for some people it’s their favorite of the big three but the couple of times I’ve eaten here I’ve been underwhelmed. Now, I’m not saying it’s not good – it’s just not the pizza I like. I like my sauce to be plain – I sauce my pizzas with just tomatoes and a bit of salt. When you start doctoring your sauce to amp up the flavor you start to lose me. The person I was with loved the pizza and rated it higher than some of the other places so I can see that it’s completely subjective. The pizza had a good char and generous toppings so I can’t find fault there but all this being said this is me rating pizzas that I am eating so the score will reflect that it’s not something I particularly enjoy.

Score: 8.0

Federicis – Freehold NJ

I’m not sure this rises to the level of ‘Fame’ but if does show up quite frequently in “Best Pizza in NJ” lists. The crust is thin – I mean really thin – it was such a crispy and thin crust that I ate 4 slices and barely felt full. The plain cheese is good with a nice mozzarella stretch and the sauce is lightly flavored but tomato forward. The only issue I had is that I was expecting the thin crust pizzas to be approaching well done but this pizza was very light – I felt like it was taken out of the oven a bit too early as the crust was a pale blonde color with just a little bit of char on the ears. I still enjoyed the pizza but the under cooked cracker thin crust gave it a bit of a bowling alley pizza vibe that it had to work hard to overcome.

Score: 7.8

Worldwide Food Tour – Chile

Chilean Cheese Empenadas

Looking up what Chile was known for I saw a lot of possible options – but one really stuck out to me as it was something I hadn’t tried to make yet and that was empenadas. I did the research and found the correct cheeses you should use and how to make the dough and set about making empenadas that could taste like the ones I’ve had at places like Raul’s. I quickly found out that the dough isn’t as easy to handle as most dough and ensuring a tight seal so no cheese leaked out would prove to be difficult. I managed to have a few that survived the frying more or less intact and they were pretty good – but I think I didn’t make the dough thin enough – it was overly chewy and the texture wasn’t as crispy as I wanted.

I think next time I’ll just buy the empenada wrappers from the grocery store – sure it’s not ‘homemade’ but at least they’re consistent!

Goal Met: Banya 4+ times

I’ve been to the Banya (Russian hot sauna) a few times in the past and every time I felt like it really helped my sore back/shoulders and gave me a really overall relaxed feeling. Every time I left I’d say to myself “Man, I can’t wait go back” then, for reasons unknown, I’d never go back. I’ve read up on the plentiful health benefits of using the saunas as well as some health warnings (it is, after-all, a process for shocking your body into a reaction)

I didn’t really start up going until the fall – as going to a hot sauna in the summer just doesn’t feel right. Once the temperature outside started to cool I started making some plans to visit some of the saunas around me to see how they compare to one another.

I started with bear and birch which is a relatively small Banya – the steam room barely fits 8 people and the few times I went I had to wait outside the hot sauna for some space to open up. The first time I went the Banya was a nice temperature but the second time someone ramped it up so hot that I felt like my skin was burning and I couldn’t stay very long (in fact, they opened the door and vented a bunch of heat to try to bring the temperature down to more reasonable levels). The staff was very friendly and helpful and the people there were all very chill and talkative which was nice. I didn’t try the food – but the few dishes that came out of the kitchen looked and smelled awesome.

Second up was BRC in Fair Lawn NJ. This is the Cadillac of Banya in the area. There saunas are huge and there’s a pool, massages, infrared saunas, cryo-tanks, a salt room (all extra of course). The Saunas are always hot and the plunge pool is always absurdly cold. I’ve been here quite a few times and always have a great experience. The food is delicious and they offer free water (a godsend as I don’t need to lug around a gallon bottle with me) – the price keeps creeping up but with all that they offer i still think it’s a great value. It gets very crowded nights and weekends (especially over the winter holiday break) but there’s so much space it’s rare you need to wait for a spot – if the main Banya is full one of the other two saunas is probably available.

Thirdly was the Marlboro Banya – smaller than BRC but bigger than Bear and Birch it had two hot saunas and a more mild traditional sauna. The steam room was kind of small and struggled to keep the steam up (I suspect from the door constantly opening to let people in and out) I really liked the outdoor patio – it was a cold day so I walked right from the sauna outside into the 30 degree weather which was a very fun experience. They had a fire pit going which was nice to chill towards the end and chat with some people.

I can’t rate the Banya at Southampton in PA – I drove all the way out there but there was a power outage and they weren’t admitting anyone so I had to turn around and go back home (ultimately ending up at Bear and Birch since I already had the day off an wanted to make is a sauna day)

So after visiting all these Banya – the question remains, do they work? Sometimes it get a bit uncomfortable as my heart is racing due to the heat but once I cool off I feel much better. I usually sleep like a baby after Banya so there’s that at least. I feel like it really relaxes my muscles and my injuries and various aches and pains are lessened so yes, I feel like it does make a difference and plan on trying to keep up my quarterly visits.

Michael Jackson – Thriller

When Pop Music Reached Its Final Form

Let’s address the elephant in the room: discussing Michael Jackson’s music in the modern era feels like trying to appreciate a da Vinci while the museum’s on fire. But we’re here to talk about “Thriller” – the 1982 album that didn’t just move the goalposts for pop music, it strapped rockets to them and launched them into orbit.

Here’s the thing about “Thriller”: it’s so ubiquitous, so woven into our cultural fabric, that it’s almost impossible to hear it with fresh ears. It’s like trying to objectively evaluate oxygen. But let’s try anyway, shall we?

The album opens with “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin'” – a track that builds like a pressure cooker of funk until it explodes into that “mama-se, mama-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa” chant that would later spawn a thousand samples. It’s Jackson and Quincy Jones showing their homework (the chant borrowed from Manu Dibango) while simultaneously graduating with honors.

Then there’s “Billie Jean” – good lord, “Billie Jean.” That bass line should be in a museum, preferably with armed guards protecting it. It’s the kind of groove that makes atheists believe in intelligent design. The paranoid lyrics, the rhythmic breathing, the way the strings creep in like suspicion – it’s a perfect pop record. Not good, not great: perfect.

“Beat It” somehow made rock and R&B kiss and like it. Eddie Van Halen’s guitar solo drops into the song like an alien spacecraft landing in the middle of a block party, and somehow it works. It’s the kind of cross-genre pollination that shouldn’t work on paper but ends up creating a new primary color.

The title track is basically its own Halloween franchise at this point, but strip away the zombie makeup and Vincent Price monologue, and you’ve still got a masterpiece of tension and release. The way it builds, layer by layer, is like watching a master chef construct the world’s most dangerous cake.

“Human Nature” is so smooth it makes silk feel like sandpaper. It’s the kind of ballad that makes you forget ballads became uncool. Those synthesizers float like clouds on a summer day, while Jackson’s vocals remind us why he could make even the most cynical critic believe in magic.

Production-wise, this album is basically Quincy Jones showing off. The mix is cleaner than an operating room, but it still manages to feel warm and alive. Every instrument has its place, every effect has its purpose, every finger snap is exactly where it needs to be. It’s like the audio equivalent of a perfectly solved Rubik’s cube.

Let’s talk numbers, because they’re ridiculous: seven singles out of nine tracks. Seven. That’s not an album, that’s a greatest hits compilation in disguise. The fact that “The Lady in My Life” wasn’t a single tells you everything you need to know about this album’s depth.

Rating: 10/10 – Some albums are timeless. This one owns time.

Essential Tracks: All of them. Yes, even “The Lady in My Life.”

Side Note: If this album were a meal, it would be a Michelin-starred chef making the best burger you’ve ever had, then garnishing it with gold leaf and serving it on the moon.

Production MVP: Quincy Jones, proving that sometimes the real genius is knowing how to frame genius.

Historical Context: In 1982, MTV was still figuring out whether they wanted to play black artists. After “Thriller,” they didn’t have a choice. This album didn’t just break racial barriers – it moonwalked through them.

Look, separating art from artist is a personal choice, and everyone’s got to draw their own lines. But “Thriller” as an album is like the Great Pyramid of Giza – regardless of how you feel about who built it or how it came to be, you can’t deny its perfect engineering, its cultural impact, or its enduring influence on everything that came after.

In the end, “Thriller” isn’t just an album that sold a lot of copies (though oh boy, did it ever). It’s proof that pop music can be both commercially successful and artistically brilliant. It’s that rare moment when the most popular thing is also the best thing. Whether that’s enough to overcome its creator’s legacy is up to you, but the album itself? It’s literally as good as pop music gets.

Aretha Franklin – I Never Loved a Man Like I Love You

Where Soul Music Found Its Queen and Never Looked Back

Some albums capture lightning in a bottle. This one captured a whole damn thunderstorm. Aretha Franklin’s 1967 Atlantic Records debut isn’t just an album – it’s the moment soul music found its constitution, its declaration of independence, and its crown jewel all at once. And honey, that crown fit perfectly.

From the moment the organ growls and Aretha’s voice claims its territory on “Respect,” you know you’re not just listening to music – you’re witnessing a coronation. Sure, Otis Redding wrote it, but Aretha OWNS it. She takes his plea for domestic recognition and transforms it into a revolution in two minutes and twenty-eight seconds. That spell-it-out bridge (“R-E-S-P-E-C-T”) isn’t just spelling – it’s soul music’s equivalent of carving your name into history with a diamond.

The title track, “I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You),” is the kind of torch song that could burn down a rain forest. Recorded in Muscle Shoals, Alabama (before the sessions famously imploded), it’s a master class in tension and release. The way Aretha wraps her voice around “I don’t know why I let you do these things to me” feels like overhearing someone’s most private thoughts, set to a groove that won’t quit.

“Do Right Woman, Do Right Man” might be the most sophisticated relationship counseling ever set to wax. The gospel-tinged piano (played by Aretha herself – let’s not forget she was a killer musician) lays down the law while her voice preaches a sermon about reciprocity that ought to be taught in schools.

Even when she’s covering other artists, Aretha doesn’t so much interpret songs as she does annex them into her kingdom. Ray Charles’ “Drown in My Own Tears” becomes a masterpiece of controlled emotion – like watching someone turn heartbreak into high art. And her version of Sam Cooke’s “Good Times” feels less like a cover and more like a conversation between old friends about what joy really means.

The backing band, including the legendary Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section and King Curtis on saxophone, provides the perfect musical foundation – present enough to carry the weight but smart enough to know who the real star is. It’s like watching the world’s greatest supporting actors all deciding to make someone else look good.

What’s remarkable about this album isn’t just its individual parts – it’s how it all comes together to create something bigger than itself. This isn’t just Aretha’s Atlantic debut; it’s the moment soul music grew up. The production is crisp but never slick, raw but never sloppy. It’s like they found the exact sweet spot between Saturday night and Sunday morning.

Rating: 10/10 – As essential as oxygen

Essential Tracks: “Respect,” “I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You),” “Do Right Woman, Do Right Man,” “Soul Serenade”

Side Note: If this album were weather, it would be that perfect storm that ends a drought and makes flowers grow through concrete.

Historical Impact: This isn’t just a great album – it’s a document of an artist claiming her power. The fact that it was released in 1967, as America was grappling with civil rights, women’s liberation, and cultural upheaval, makes it all the more remarkable. Aretha didn’t just make a soul album; she made a statement about what it meant to be alive, aware, and unafraid in America.

When we talk about perfect albums, we’re usually engaging in hyperbole. This time, we’re just stating facts. “I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You” isn’t just Aretha Franklin’s arrival – it’s soul music’s finest hour and eleven minutes. They should teach this album in schools, right between American History and Advanced Mathematics, because it’s both historical and precisely calculated to hit you right where you live.

Rolling Stones – Exile on Main Street

When Messy Production Meets Muddled Genius

Look, I get it. “Exile on Main Street” is supposed to be the holy grail of rock and roll excess turned into artistic triumph. It’s the album where the Rolling Stones, holed up in a French mansion like debauched aristocrats avoiding the revolution, somehow stumbled into greatness. But after multiple listens, I’m left wondering if we’ve all been a bit too generous with our rose-tinted headphones.

Let’s start with what works, because there’s undeniably some magic here. “Tumbling Dice” is a perfect fusion of gospel, blues, and rock that feels like sin and salvation holding hands on their way to church. The way Jagger’s vocals weave through the guitar lines is like watching a master pickpocket work a crowded street – you know you’re being robbed, but you can’t help admiring the technique.

“Sweet Virginia” captures something so authentically American that it’s almost absurd coming from a bunch of British guys hiding from the tax man in France. It’s like they distilled every country-western bar in Texas into five minutes of acoustic glory. And “Happy,” with Keith Richards’ weathered vocals, is probably the most honest thing on the album – a simple rock song that knows exactly what it is.

But then there’s the problem of production, or should I say, the lack thereof. The album often sounds like it was recorded underwater while the mixing board was having an existential crisis. Some call it atmosphere; I call it audio mud. Sure, “Let It Loose” is a great song… if you can hear it through what sounds like several layers of vintage denim.

The bloat is real. At 18 tracks, “Exile” feels like someone couldn’t make the tough decisions in the editing room. For every “Rocks Off” that kicks like moonshine, there’s a “Turd on the Run” that, well, lives up to its name. “Casino Boogie” feels less like a finished song and more like a jam session that accidentally got pressed onto vinyl.

What’s frustrating is how the album’s flaws and virtues are often the same thing. The loose, sloppy production that makes “All Down the Line” feel alive and dangerous makes “I Just Want to See His Face” sound like it was recorded in a haunted shower stall. The raw, unfinished quality that gives “Ventilator Blues” its edge makes other tracks feel half-baked.

The album’s influences are worn so openly they’re practically indecent – blues, gospel, country, soul – but they’re filtered through such a uniquely dissipated lens that they become something new, if not necessarily improved. It’s like watching someone make gumbo while drunk: the ingredients are right, but the proportions are questionable.

Here’s the thing: the album’s mythology has become inseparable from its music. The tax exile, the heroin, the basement studio, Keith Richards’ pharmaceutical adventures – it’s all become part of how we hear these songs. Strip away the legend, and you’re left with an album that’s brilliant about 60% of the time, interesting 20% of the time, and a muddy mess the rest.

Rating: 6.5/10 – Like a party that peaks too early but refuses to end

Highlights: “Tumbling Dice,” “Sweet Virginia,” “Happy,” “Rocks Off”
Lowlights: “Turd on the Run,” “I Just Want to See His Face,” “Casino Boogie”

Side Note: If this album were a person, it would be that friend who shows up to your house party already wasted, breaks some furniture, tells three brilliant jokes, passes out on your couch, and somehow makes you feel like you had a philosophical breakthrough in the process.

Worth Noting: My opinion here puts me at odds with many rock critics who consider this album the Stones’ masterpiece. Maybe they’re right. Maybe the chaos is the point. Or maybe we’ve all agreed to pretend that confusion is complexity and mistakes are innovation. Either way, “Exile” remains a fascinating mess of an album that you should probably hear at least once, if only to join the debate.

Public Enemy – It Takes a Nation of Millions

A Sonic Revolution in 98 BPM

If a bomb went off in a recording studio while a political science lecture, a James Brown concert, and a Black Panther rally were simultaneously taking place, the resulting explosion might sound something like Public Enemy’s “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.” Released in 1988, this album didn’t just raise the bar for hip-hop – it took the bar, bent it into a weapon, and used it to assault everything the mainstream music industry held dear.

Producer Hank Shocklee and the Bomb Squad created a wall of sound that makes Phil Spector look like a minimalist. The production is a chaotic masterpiece, a carefully orchestrated car crash of samples, squeals, and sirens that somehow coalesces into head-nodding beats. It’s like they threw a block party in the middle of a revolution and decided to record both.

Chuck D’s voice booms through the chaos like a prophet’s bullhorn, delivering rhymes with the force of a heavyweight’s right hook. His flow on “Bring the Noise” hits you at 98 BPM (beats per minute, though it might as well stand for “bombs per minute”). Meanwhile, Flavor Flav isn’t just comic relief – he’s the yang to Chuck’s yin, the court jester speaking truth to power while wearing a giant clock that seems to say, “Time’s up for the status quo.”

Take “Don’t Believe the Hype” – a track that simultaneously criticizes media manipulation while being catchier than the flu in a kindergarten classroom. Or “Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos,” which turns a prison break narrative into a meditation on conscientious objection and systemic racism, all while sampling Isaac Hayes so effectively it should count as musical alchemy.

The album’s political commentary hits harder than a caffeine addiction. “She Watch Channel Zero?!” dissects media control with the precision of a surgeon wielding a sledgehammer. But it’s not just anger for anger’s sake – there’s a methodology to the madness, a carefully constructed critique wrapped in layers of funk and fury.

What’s remarkable is how fresh it still sounds today. While some political albums of the era now feel like dated time capsules, “Nation of Millions” feels more like a time machine that accidentally landed in the future. The issues it tackles – systemic racism, media manipulation, government surveillance – read like today’s headlines, just with better wordplay and more interesting beats.

The album’s influence is so vast it’s practically geological. Without it, we might not have the political consciousness in modern hip-hop, the dense production techniques of contemporary music, or the courage to make art that’s both provocative and populist. It’s like they created a blueprint for musical revolution and then set the blueprint on fire to light the way forward.

Is it perfect? Well, if you’re looking for easy listening, you might want to keep looking. This album grabs you by the collar and demands attention like a caffeine-addled professor who knows they’re running out of time to change the world. But that’s exactly what makes it perfect – it’s not trying to be comfortable. It’s trying to be necessary.

Rating: 9.5/10 – A sonic Molotov cocktail that somehow gets more flammable with age.

Essential Tracks: “Bring the Noise,” “Don’t Believe the Hype,” “Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos,” “Rebel Without a Pause”

Side Note: If this album were a sandwich, it would be everything in the kitchen thrown between two slices of bread, somehow resulting in the most delicious meal you’ve ever had while simultaneously teaching you about food inequality.

The Clash – London Calling

London Calling: When Punk Found Its Library Card

Look, let’s get something straight – most punk bands in 1979 were still trying to figure out how many safety pins they could stick through their ears before tetanus became a real concern. Meanwhile, The Clash dropped “London Calling,” an album so ambitious it makes most rock operas look like nursery rhymes.

Here’s a band that started out as punk rock firebrands, and somehow ended up creating a double album that casually strolls through reggae, ska, rockabilly, hard rock, and whatever genre you want to call “Train in Vain.” It’s like watching your anarchist cousin suddenly reveal they’ve been taking ballroom dancing classes on the side – shocking, but somehow it works.

The title track kicks things off with that iconic bass line that sounds like doomsday doing the cha-cha. Strummer’s voice comes in like a newspaper headline being shouted through a megaphone during a riot – urgent, raw, and impossible to ignore. The apocalyptic imagery might be bleak, but somehow they make the end of the world sound like something you could dance to.

What’s truly remarkable about “London Calling” is how The Clash managed to expand their musical palette without losing their bite. The reggae influences on tracks like “Guns of Brixton” don’t feel like tourism – they feel essential, organic, like the band absorbed the soul of Caribbean music and filtered it through their distinctly British rage.

The production, courtesy of Guy Stevens (who apparently conducted the sessions like a mad orchestra director on a three-day espresso binge), is nothing short of miraculous. Every instrument sounds like it’s been dragged through the streets of London and emerged stronger for it. The drums crack like gunshots, the guitars slash and burn, and the bass… oh, that bass work by Paul Simonon (immortalized on the album cover smashing his instrument) holds the whole beautiful mess together.

And can we talk about the songwriting? The Clash tackle everything from unemployment to drug addiction to corporate corruption, all while making it sound like the most urgent party music ever recorded. It’s like reading the morning news while doing the Two-Tone ska step – sobering content, but your feet won’t stop moving.

Rating: 4.9 out of 5 Smashed Bass Guitars 🎸

Highs:

  • Genre-bending ambition that somehow all holds together
  • Raw, urgent energy that never feels forced
  • Production that captures lightning in a bottle
  • Political commentary that doesn’t sacrifice danceability

Lows:

  • Some genre experiments work better than others
  • A few tracks that feel like B-sides
  • The nagging feeling that the band would never quite reach these heights again

Final Thought: “London Calling” is the sound of punk rock graduating from throwing bottles to organizing a revolution – and somehow managing to make both seem equally vital. It’s a masterclass in how to expand your horizons without losing your edge, proof that growing up doesn’t have to mean selling out. The Clash didn’t just make a great album – they made a blueprint for how rebellion can age gracefully.

Kanye West “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy: When Ego Achieves Its Final Form

Look, let’s address the elephant-sized ego in the room right off the bat – Kanye West might be the most insufferable human being to ever grace a VMAs stage (and that’s saying something). But sometimes, just sometimes, an artist’s messiah complex actually delivers something approaching divine. “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” is what happens when someone’s god complex accidentally produces something godlike.

The album opens with “Dark Fantasy,” and immediately you realize this isn’t just another hip-hop record – it’s more like hip-hop’s answer to a Broadway musical directed by Stanley Kubrick while high on baroque architecture. When that choir kicks in asking “Can we get much higher?” the answer is clearly no, because we’re already in the stratosphere, and Kanye’s just warming up.

Then “Gorgeous” drops, and Kid Cudi’s hook sounds like it was recorded in some alternate universe where melancholy is actually a physical substance you can smoke. Kanye’s verses here are sharper than a surgeon’s scalpel, proving that when he’s not busy tweeting about being the next Walt Disney, he can actually rap his absolute ass off.

“POWER” might be the most accurate sonic representation of megalomania ever recorded. It’s like someone turned a god complex into sound waves. That King Crimson sample isn’t just a flex – it’s Kanye basically saying “Yeah, I can make progressive rock work in hip-hop, what are YOU doing with your life?”

And then there’s “All of the Lights” – a song so maximalist it makes Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound look like a garden fence. Rihanna’s chorus sounds like it was recorded in the midst of a supernova, while that horn section could wake the dead and make them dance. It’s utterly ridiculous, completely over-the-top, and somehow absolutely perfect.

“Monster” is where things get really interesting. Nicki Minaj’s verse isn’t just great – it’s the kind of performance that makes you want to throw your phone into the ocean and never attempt to rap again. Even Jay-Z showing up and comparing himself to a sasquatch somehow works, because at this point, why not?

“So Appalled” is basically a luxury rap fever dream, while “Devil in a New Dress” might be the most beautiful thing Rick Ross has ever been adjacent to. That guitar solo comes in like it got lost on its way to a Pink Floyd album and decided to stay because the accommodations were nice.

“Runaway” is the centerpiece, and good lord, what a piece it is. It’s nine minutes of the most beautiful self-awareness about being an absolutely terrible person ever recorded. That distorted outro sounds like what regret would sound like if it learned to sing – assuming regret took AutoTune lessons first.

But here’s the thing – for all its undeniable brilliance, this album is also completely bonkers. It’s like watching someone build the Sistine Chapel while occasionally stopping to eat the paint. The production is maximal to the point of absurdity, the lyrics swing between profound and profoundly narcissistic, and the whole thing feels like it’s constantly on the verge of collapsing under the weight of its own ambition.

Rating: 4.8 out of 5 Solid Gold Ego Trips πŸ‘‘

Peaks:

  • Production so lush it makes the Gardens of Babylon look like a window box
  • Verses that range from hilarious to heartbreaking, sometimes in the same line
  • Features list that reads like a hip-hop infinity gauntlet
  • Actually earning its own grandiosity

Valleys:

  • Occasionally disappears up its own artistry
  • Some interludes that feel like Kanye just couldn’t bear to cut anything
  • The lingering knowledge that this album probably made Kanye even more Kanye

Final Thought: “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” is like watching someone successfully juggle chainsaws while reciting Shakespeare and doing quantum physics – it shouldn’t work, it’s definitely dangerous, and you kind of want to tell them to stop, but you also can’t look away. It’s an undeniable masterpiece created by an occasionally unbearable mastermind. In the end, it’s proof that sometimes the line between genius and madness isn’t just thin – it’s nonexistent. And sometimes, just sometimes, that’s exactly what we need.

P.S. – The fact that this album came with a short film that looks like what would happen if Matthew Barney directed a hip-hop video is just chef’s kiss perfect. Because of course it did.