Feb 5, 2025
0 Movie Reviews

Apocalypse Now

The World’s Worst River Cruise

Looking for a relaxing boat trip up a scenic river? Then maybe skip Captain Benjamin Willard’s (Martin Sheen) journey into the heart of madness during the Vietnam War. His mission, should he choose to accept it (spoiler: he does, because apparently he’s never seen a war movie before): sail upriver into Cambodia to find Colonel Walter Kurtz (Marlon Brando), a rogue Special Forces officer who’s gone full “started his own death cult” crazy. You know, just your standard military performance review.

Willard, who starts the film with the mother of all hangovers in a Saigon hotel room, gets his mission from intelligence officers who seem surprised that giving someone unlimited power in a war zone might lead to megalomania. Kurtz, once a model officer, has apparently gone off the reservation both literally and figuratively, setting up his own kingdom where he plays God with a side of human sacrifice.

Our protagonist joins a Navy PBR crew that makes the Marx Brothers look well-adjusted. There’s Chief Phillips (Albert Hall) trying to maintain sanity, Lance Johnson (Sam Bottoms) who starts sane and ends up practically joining Kurtz’s fan club, Chef (Frederic Forrest) who just wanted to be a saucier (worst career change ever), and Clean (Laurence Fishburne, all of 14 years old) who’s probably too young to be experiencing any of this.

Their journey upriver is like a demented version of Disney’s Jungle Cruise. First stop: a USO show featuring Playboy Playmates that devolves into chaos faster than you can say “terrible planning.” Next up: the infamous “Charlie don’t surf” sequence where Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore (Robert Duvall) decides the best time to go surfing is during an air cavalry assault. Because nothing says “military strategy” like hanging ten while napalm explodes in the background.

The crew’s encounters get progressively weirder as they head upriver. They massacre a sampan full of civilians over a hidden puppy (definitely not in the Geneva Convention), experience a surreal USO show redux at a French plantation (apparently some folks didn’t get the memo about colonialism being over), and face an attack by natives that kills Clean and drives Chef into new realms of paranoia.

Finally reaching Kurtz’s compound, they find a photojournalist (Dennis Hopper) who makes your average cult member look skeptical. He babbles about Kurtz’s genius while stepping over bodies like they’re speed bumps. Chef gets dispatched to call in an airstrike if Willard doesn’t return, which goes about as well as you’d expect (spoiler: Kurtz returns Chef to Willard… in pieces).

The film’s climax intercuts Willard’s assassination of Kurtz with a ritual buffalo sacrifice, which is probably the most subtle thing that happens in the entire third act. Kurtz’s famous last words – “The horror… the horror…” – could refer to the war, human nature, or possibly just Brando’s script reading process.

The Verdict

What I Love:

  • Cinematography that makes you feel like you’re having someone else’s acid flashback
  • A soundtrack that turns The Doors’ “The End” into the world’s most ominous boat trip theme
  • Helicopter sequences that made the Air Cavalry look like a Wagner opera with better props
  • Martin Sheen’s performance, which might actually be a real nervous breakdown
  • The fact that Francis Ford Coppola didn’t completely lose his mind making this (debatable)

What Could’ve Been Better:

  • Might make you reconsider your upcoming river cruise booking
  • Will definitely affect your opinion of Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries”
  • Could make you suspicious of any military officer who quotes T.S. Eliot

“Apocalypse Now” is what happens when you adapt Joseph Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness,” feed it acid, and send it to Vietnam. It’s a masterpiece of controlled chaos that took years off everyone’s life who made it – Sheen had a heart attack, Brando showed up looking like he ate the entire craft services table, and the shoot went so long the Filipino government changed hands during filming.

Rating: 5 out of 5 questionably motivated surf sessions

P.S. – I love the smell of hyperbole in the morning. Smells like… Oscar nominations.

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Feb 5, 2025
0 Music

Fleetwood Mac – Rumours

Love, Loss, and Lots of Cocaine

Released: February 4, 1977

If you’ve ever wondered what happens when two couples break up, another relationship crumbles, and everyone involved has to keep working together while having access to unlimited studio time and a blizzard of cocaine, well, “Rumours” is your answer. The miracle isn’t just that this album got made—it’s that it turned out to be one of the greatest albums ever recorded.

“Second Hand News” kicks things off with Lindsey Buckingham channeling his frustration into what might be history’s most upbeat kiss-off. The production is immaculate, with layers of acoustic guitars creating a rhythmic foundation that makes heartbreak sound like a party you actually want to attend.

“Dreams” follows, with Stevie Nicks delivering a masterclass in ethereal revenge. Only Stevie could make a song about romantic devastation sound like it was written by a mystical wizard floating on a cloud. The track’s groove is so hypnotic it could probably solve international conflicts if played at the right diplomatic summit.

“Never Going Back Again” serves as Buckingham’s acoustic guitar flexing session, proving that sometimes the best way to deal with relationship trauma is to play so many intricate fingerpicking patterns that your ex’s head spins. The song is brief but packs more technical prowess into two minutes than most guitarists manage in their entire careers.

Christine McVie provides “Don’t Stop,” the album’s most optimistic moment, which is a bit like being the happiest person at a funeral. The song would later become Bill Clinton’s campaign theme, proving that even politicians occasionally have good taste in music.

“Go Your Own Way” might be the most passive-aggressive use of harmonies in rock history. There’s something beautifully twisted about having your ex sing backing vocals on a song about how terrible they are. The drum fill leading into the final chorus should be in a museum somewhere.

“Songbird” offers a moment of gentle reprieve, with Christine McVie proving that at least one person in Fleetwood Mac could write about love without needing an exorcism afterward. The song’s sincerity almost feels like it got lost and wandered in from another album entirely.

“The Chain,” the only song credited to all five members, is what happens when shared trauma creates accidental genius. That bass line in the bridge could raise the dead, or at least raise enough questions about what exactly was in that studio coffee.

“You Make Loving Fun” is Christine McVie’s ode to her new love (who wasn’t in the band, thankfully—there were enough relationship dynamics to keep track of already). The irony of recording this while her ex-husband John played bass on it is the kind of thing you couldn’t make up if you tried.

“I Don’t Want to Know” and “Oh Daddy” keep the emotional rollercoaster rolling, before “Gold Dust Woman” closes the album with Stevie Nicks at her most mystically menacing. It’s the sound of the 1970s California music scene eating itself alive in the most beautiful way possible.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5 stars)

Final Thoughts: “Rumours” is probably the only time in history that relationship dysfunction produced something that actually made the world better. Its only flaw might be that it set an unrealistic standard for breakup albums—not everyone has access to multiple genius songwriters, world-class studios, and enough chemical enhancement to power a small city. The album’s legacy is a testament to the power of turning personal chaos into professional triumph. It’s also proof that sometimes the worst thing for your personal life can be the best thing for your art. Just don’t try this at home, kids—having your entire band engage in romantic musical chairs isn’t a recommended career strategy. But if you do find yourself in the middle of romantic turbulence, at least you’ll have the perfect soundtrack.

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Feb 5, 2025
0 One Shot Goals

Goal Met: Eat at Michelin Starred Restaurant

When I was younger I worked in various restaurants as summer jobs and really enjoyed the experience. I know it’s probably the naivete of youth but for a while I considered trying to stage at some fancy restaurants in NYC to build a career as a chef (this was before the food network and the age of the celebrity chef) -I ultimately opted out of that dream and continued to cook for various places at the Jersey shore until one of my friends recruited me to come work in IT support as it paid much better and I could sit all day.

I still loved cooking and continue to pursue it as a hobby and I appreciate a restaurant that gets it right, since I have unfortunately worked at places where cutting corners was gospel. So I’ve always wanted to go eat at a Michelin star restaurant and experience a world class dining experience.

I knew I had to go into NYC so I went to the Michelin guide and  filtered for starred places and it came back with a lot of options. I first wanted to go to Per Se as I’m a huge Thomas Keller fan but I couldn’t find a reservation at a time that worked for my and my wife plus the cost of $500 a person before extras was a major factor, especially coupled with my general dislike of seafood as Keller uses a lot of fish in his tasting menus.

I ultimately decided to Torrisi (https://torrisinyc.com/) was the right option for us (Shocker I picked an Italian restaurant). I preferred A La Carte dining as I could ensure the food I was getting was something I would enjoy and I was able to get a lunch reservation which worked out perfect so we could go during the week while our kids were in school.

The menu was simple – which I like as I’d prefer a few things made with exacting care as opposed to a huge menu. I just feel that allows the chefs to perfect their skills.

We walked in and were greeted warmly by the hostess who seated us promptly even though we were 15 minutes early. The servers were attentive and ensured our drinks were replenished and to check on us to see if there’s anything else we needed. The place was beautiful, located in little Italy in the Puck building. 

The dining room features soaring 17-foot ceilings with original crown molding and ornate brass chandeliers. The walls showcase custom murals depicting New York scenes in muted gold and cream tones.

The space is divided into distinct areas: a curved marble bar with leather stools, banquettes upholstered in deep blue velvet, and intimate tables arranged around a central dining room. Brass accents, mirrored panels, and vintage-style sconces create warmth throughout.

The design blends 1920s glamour with modern Italian-American elements: terrazzo floors, leather-bound menus, and custom wine displays. White tablecloths and fine china maintain formality, while exposed brick walls and ambient lighting create a more relaxed atmosphere.

We decided to each get a pasta dish (they were small) and split an entrée. I had a few cocktails (including the signature Torrisi Spritz which was a play on the standard Aperol spritz) and my wife had some white wine.

They brought out some sourdough bread first – soft open interior with a crackling sesame seed crust this was bread as it ought to be. It came with an herb infused butter that elevated the whole experience. It was served twice – once right after we ordered and again with our pasta for “fare la scarpetta.”

We started with their signature ‘American and Italian hams with zeppole’. I know I thought the same thing, zeppoles? But it was something everyone who went there raved about so we tried it and it was a sublime experience. You wrap the super thin prosciutto around the zeppole and pop the whole thing in your mouth. The salt and fat of the ham plays against the slight sweetness of the zeppole creating a compelling contrast – I just wish they had as many zeppoles as pieces of ham because there were three more slices of ham on the plate and I wanted to keep going.

For the pasta I opted for the classic cheese tortellini as that was the dish they are known for. It was tender fresh pasta with just the right amount of bite and the filling was texturally complex with a strong bite of sharp cheese at the end. The sauce was light and flavorful – I suspect it was just tomatoes cooked very briefly as they tasted super fresh. My wife went with the special which was truffle tortellini in a truffle sauce, topped with shaved truffles. That’s a lot of truffles, I thought to myself as she was ordering but it was delicious and I say that as someone who really doesn’t care for the taste of truffles.

The main was chicken alla griglia (we shared it). Perfectly tender chicken with a crackling skin covered with a sauce fragrant with rosemary and oregano. I was surprised at how well the crust on the chicken held up against the sauce. Chicken can be hit or miss in most restaurants so seeing it done to perfection was great.

After dinner they brought us a sampler of ices to help cleanse our palette; Green apple and lemon were selections we were given. Then they brought out a plate of Italian cookies with our dessert menu. At this point, I was getting pretty full but felt like if we were here for the full experience we should try something off the dessert menu. I knew most people recommended the affagatto but I wasn’t in the mood for that so opted for the almond cheesecake.

They brought out a slice of cheesecake that had a marzipan topping piped onto it – we barely finished it between the two of us due to its richness. I mean, it was great but I felt like I needed a nap when we finished. 

Overall it was a great experience. The food was amazing, the ambience and service were good and I felt like I was getting a Michelin star type of experience.

Next up – let’s see what a two or three star experience is like!

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