Goal Met: Meditate 50 times or more

I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of meditation – the idea that you could train your mind and bend it to your will through breathing exercises seemed, on it’s face, a bit silly. However two things happened that caused me to reevaluate my ideas.

The first was reading a book called “The brain that changes itself” by Norman Doidge. I forget why I picked up this book specifically, I suspect I was just looking to learn something new and this was on their new release shelf. The book is about neuroplasticity and the science behind how the brain changes itself. The brain essentially rewires itself based on a specific set of criteria as a response to external factors. I found it fascinating and it kicked off a journey down a rabbit hole of books about the brain and how it works (one of the major finds is how myelin works and how intentional practice can help you develop skills very rapidly, which I found super useful to pick up new things). This primed me for being more open to things like meditation as now I could see the pathways in which it could work

The second was Covid-19. That was a stressful time and I really needed a way to manage that stress effectively so I turned to the internet and found some free guided meditations that helped me walk through the process of breathing and being mindful.

I struggled to maintain a practice however, even when I committed to 10 minutes, because my brain is like a sack full of angry cats. Whenever I tried to meditate I’d focus on my breathing and my brain would just open up it’s cabinet of curiosities and start throwing things at me. It wasn’t really anxieties as my stoicism practice kept those pretty much in check but it was just random things that I needed to do, memories of people and places (both good and bad), random facts, ideas for some of the projects I was working on (although I did have a pad and pen to record anything really insightful) what I should make for dinner and who the Yankees are playing this weekend.

Meditation teaches you to simply acknowledge the thought and let it go but that’s hard to do when they are flying at you like angry bees. I found that if I count the breaths and focus on the counting and the breathing that was much more effective and I was able to still my mind for a few minutes at a time. That’s when my brain got worried that it wasn’t in full ADHD mode and did one of two things. It either started making up stuff to fill the space where I’d just start daydreaming something wild and wouldn’t notice for several minutes that it was happening which was alarming or it would simply say ‘naptime!’ and I’d fall asleep.

So this time around I committed to 50 times meditating of 10 minutes or more. That averages out to almost once a week. I know more frequent practice results in better outcomes but I understood how I struggled and given all the other things I needed to accomplish I felt that it was still a worthwhile goal.

Looking at my records (I tracked everything this year) I saw that instead of doing it once a week as I planned I ended up doing it in spurts. There would be a week of doing it every day then two months would pass and then I’d do it for ten days then take another long break. Out of all the goals I finished this year this one was the hardest for me to stick to. I don’t know why – it’s only 10 minutes of my day, it should be easy but for some reason my brain did not like it and would find all sorts of reasons to skip it.

I’m not sure I can sustain a long term practice but I’d still like to find a way to incorporate mindfulness into my daily life as I find even the few times I manage to get a streak doing I do feel more calm and in control.